Someone on Scribophile posted this masterpiece. Read it. Do it now. You'll thank me when you're done.
Are you all finished?
Are you laughing your ass off?
If not, there's no hope for you. Just give up on life right now.
If so, congratulations! You are a normal person!
Now get ready to cry. This excerpt was not actually from the book. It's a spoof on it. However, the real writing is just as bad. I went through and critiqued this piece how I crit for others on Scribophile, and seriously had to give up halfway through because I couldn't stomach the prose anymore.
Then I found out this book is apparently a bestseller.
A WHAT?!
A New York Times Best Seller. Hayzooz Kreesto!
Between this abomination and 50 Shades of Grey, it's becoming clear to me that all you need to be successful is the ability to write copious amounts of smutty smut smut smut. So I've come up with a ridiculous erotica novel that I will write... someday!
It will be the tale of Ali, a totally ripped, sexy fireman who is actually a magical djinni from 7th Century Arabia, who is hanging on to life so he can get revenge on the evil sorcerer who murdered his true love all those centuries ago. Then, he meets Stella, a beautiful, nubile, virginal young art dealer who is the daughter of the evil sorcerer!
Dun dun dunnnn!
Ali is going to fall madly in love with Stella, and he torn over whether to complete his mission of revenge, or just bone Stella all night long.
Spoiler alert: he chooses boning.
See ya on the NYT Best Seller list, suckas!!
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